Wouldn't that be such a better name than the Turkey Trot!? Just hearing the name makes me want to run the race all over. And really- who isn't just trying to stay upright when your dehydrated and cramping up on mile 2? Personally, there was a lot more wobbling and gobbling (ahem, whining) than trotting over the 8 mile course.
Hmm.... this story will start like any good story does- in the aisles of Target
^ Note the Walmart logo burning in the flames beneath
Kristen's mom was perusing the dollar aisle when she came across a turkey hat. Let me be more specific, a cooked turkey hat. She bought it for Kristen as a joke, but this hat was no laughing matter. Upon seeing the hat, Kristen and I immediately decided that this was a necessary part of our race day uniform.
We were scared the hats may fall off during the race due to our extremely fast running pace, so Kristen decided we should stitch the turkey hats onto baseball caps. She really is a genius.
I've never been good at sewing...
So Kristen happily stitched both of them...
We love turkey hats... and Target.
And, thank goodness I liked the hat so much because at 6:30 on Thanksgiving morning, I awoke to embark on my race day journey.
It was windy and frigid and the moon was still high in the sky. I didn't complain (much) though.
We got to the race thirty minutes early and, because of the cold temperatures, decided to sit in the car.
Many things happened during our pre-race warm up (warm up= our car seat warmers turned on). First, the parking attendant came to my window and explained that it was a $10 parking fee. I looked through my wallet and realized I only had 6 dollars. So, I got out my coin purse (a plastic Ziplock with pink Disney princesses on the outside) and started counting quarters. I first thought he had said it would cost $8, so I extracted 8 quarters, but realizing my mistake, I started counting out dimes and nickels. The guy, seeing what I was doing, already looked perturbed. So, I decided I would put the $4 worth of coins in the princess Ziplock bag so it would be easier for him to keep track of the 15 dimes, 8 quarters, and 10 nickels. He didn't seem very amused by my thoughtful gesture.
Finally the parking attendant went to collect money from other race-goers and Kristen and I observed our fellow trotters- specifically a man in bright green booty shorts. It's the Turkey Trot, dude, not the Olympics. A little extra fabric is not going to slow you down and if it does, so what? At least you still have your dignity...
It was horrific. We spent a good ten minutes watching him, and I tried multiple times to take a picture that adequately displayed the tragedy, but never quite captured the puke-in-your-mouth moment we witnessed.
We decided to use the porta-potties prior to the race and that's when Kristen encountered a flirtatious fellow. He commented that she looked cold. Wow. It's 35 degrees outside. Good observation, buddy. We commented that we couldn't believe he was wearing shorts and he responded that he had a lot of leg hair and more body fat. "Well, I have a lot of leg hair," I responded. Flirtatious, eh? A porta-potty opened up at this point, and I decided to make my exit, leaving behind the man and his disgusted expression.
Eventually the race started and we were OFF... at a walk. It didn't really start picking up until the 5K group split from the 8 milers. My music shuffle was a 7 out of 10, not bad, not bad. But what really kept me going was more horrific sightings. Observe-
I didn't actually get a front view of the guy- the tee-shirt is what you call artistic license. But, I would not be surprised if it referenced Twilight, specifically Jacob- who is a dweeb. Short shorts sightings kept me going, and I eventually crossed the finish line with a time of 1 hour, 19 minutes, and 4 seconds.
Let me rewind for a second. When Kristen and I were toasting in the car prior to the race, I said, "Let's meet at the car when we finish." To which Kristen responded, "No, let's meet at the finish line!" So that was the plan. And, it would've been great. But, 35,000 other runners decided to meet at the finish line too. I stood up on a boulder for literally 30 minutes and saw every person wearing a turkey hat besides Kristen. I'd get really excited when I'd spot a turkey hat and then realize it was a man with a long brown ponytail.
20 minutes into my search, I get a call from an unknown number. It was Kristen. She borrowed someone's phone and called to tell me she was waiting by the car. OH, THE CAR. The location you nixed this morning? Awesome amigo. So, I headed to the car. I normally would've been furious, but the endorphins were kicking in and the realization that I was mere hours from my fam's Thanksgiving feast calmed the rage within.
The race was epic. The feast was epic. The stomach ache was epic. I'm especially thankful for the flakiness of the pumpkin pie crust... and family. and friends. and zzzzzZZZZZ.
Peace out girl scouts. and brownies. I never made it to girl scouts, I was just a brownie.
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